i don’t often post a wall of text, but when i do, it’s normally pretty serious.
jennifer and i finally came to an end, after three years. i feel like the best quotation i can apply is “i spent two years alone with you”, from motion city soundtracks My Favorite Accident. in the end, her and i didn’t love eachother. it was just weekly screaming matches tied together by forgiveness and sex. i was disgusted with myself, and thereby her. love can die, lesson learned.
now, i have this thing going with kaileigh. i never call her her name, i always call her kai, like most people, but i think that would change if her and i were together in a real relationship. she’s beautiful. i could write books about the woman, and i know i’ve said that before, but it’s so true. every time we kiss it’s like i’m born again, and when she touches my ribs, or my ass, i don’t jump and pull away.
The only problem is her boyfriend.
I never thought i would be the backdoor man, if you’ll excuse the cliche’d expression. when i’m with her, it feels like it’s just her and i. and i think that things with him will end sooner, rather than later, just judging from the things she tells me.
i should feel horrible about it, putting myself in his place. but i have this weird sense of self entitlement, where i feel like because she is choosing to spend her late nights with me, i deserve her more than he does. i don’t know the poor schmuck, and here i am crushing his soul in minutes and hours.
another thing about her, is obviously that she wants the whole thing to be very hush hush. understandable. it’s hard for me though, i want to brag. i want to scream about how happy i am to every man i meet, to tell them that they don’t have to be abused by their significant other anymore. love doesn’t mean obeying, it means equal praise and respect. wow, what a concept. sometimes, i do brag. and i feel bad, because i know she doesn’t want anyone to know. but really, i don’t see the harm in telling the people i work with that i’m falling head over heels for someone that i only ever thought would be a sex toy for me. she’s amazing, and it’s just getting serious.
i guess that’ll do for a fine 500th post here, tumblr. go about your business.
“and even the nice girls we sleep with, the ones we find the most charming, the ones our families ask us about, say, “what happened to jenni - she was so nice.” even they love it when we abuse them in bed yes, abuse them. even they ask questions like, “am i your slut? your whore? your dirty bitch?” and then shudder when you say, “yes… yes.” even they ask us to tie them up, to blindfold them, to use them.”—Girls, by Nic Kelman (via thelovelysquid)
What do tigers dreams of When they take a little tiger snooze? Do they dream of mauling zebras? Or Hallie Barry in her catwoman suit?
Don’t you worry your pretty striped head Were gonna get you back to Tyson and your cozy tiger bed And then we’re gonna find our best friend Doug And then we’re gonna give him a best friend hug Doug Doug Oh Doug Doug Dougie Doug Doug
But if he’s been murdered by crystal meth tweakers… Then we’re shit out of luck.
One, two, you’re the girl that I want Three, four, five, six, seven, shit Eight is the bullets if you say no after all this And I just couldn’t take it, you’re so motherfuckin’ gorgeous Gorgeous, baby you’re gorgeous I just wanna drag you’re lifeless body to the forest And fornicate with it but that’s because I’m in love with You… cunt