i don’t often post a wall of text, but when i do, it’s normally pretty serious.
jennifer and i finally came to an end, after three years. i feel like the best quotation i can apply is “i spent two years alone with you”, from motion city soundtracks My Favorite Accident. in the end, her and i didn’t love eachother. it was just weekly screaming matches tied together by forgiveness and sex. i was disgusted with myself, and thereby her. love can die, lesson learned.
now, i have this thing going with kaileigh. i never call her her name, i always call her kai, like most people, but i think that would change if her and i were together in a real relationship. she’s beautiful. i could write books about the woman, and i know i’ve said that before, but it’s so true. every time we kiss it’s like i’m born again, and when she touches my ribs, or my ass, i don’t jump and pull away.
The only problem is her boyfriend.
I never thought i would be the backdoor man, if you’ll excuse the cliche’d expression. when i’m with her, it feels like it’s just her and i. and i think that things with him will end sooner, rather than later, just judging from the things she tells me.
i should feel horrible about it, putting myself in his place. but i have this weird sense of self entitlement, where i feel like because she is choosing to spend her late nights with me, i deserve her more than he does. i don’t know the poor schmuck, and here i am crushing his soul in minutes and hours.
another thing about her, is obviously that she wants the whole thing to be very hush hush. understandable. it’s hard for me though, i want to brag. i want to scream about how happy i am to every man i meet, to tell them that they don’t have to be abused by their significant other anymore. love doesn’t mean obeying, it means equal praise and respect. wow, what a concept. sometimes, i do brag. and i feel bad, because i know she doesn’t want anyone to know. but really, i don’t see the harm in telling the people i work with that i’m falling head over heels for someone that i only ever thought would be a sex toy for me. she’s amazing, and it’s just getting serious.
i guess that’ll do for a fine 500th post here, tumblr. go about your business.
loveyourchaos(sarah), and seaburial, whom i just started following recently.
I love ‘Dream’
Why do I feel a new tattoo coming on?
I like time.
I like “lord” and “despair”.
“Schism” is so beautiful.
yup new tattoo possibilities.
“Time”, “Peace” or “Dream” would be cool. Difficult as hell, but cool.